whitehairedprettyboy | 01 $$ [video/action for Rocket base]

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01 $$ [video/action for Rocket base]

Excuse me!

[ A man with a long white ponytail and an immaculately tailored (though unusually green) suit graces your PokéGear screen this morning. He appears rather put out, for some reason. ]

I demand to know who is in charge here! I ask that you kindly return me to where I came from! I'm a very busy man, and I don't appreciate being... kidnapped, or whatever it is you've done to me!

[ He pauses, takes a breath, and smooths down the front of his suit. ]

Whoever you are, it is in your best interest to release me before my employees get here. [ His lip curls. ] And if you were going to go so far as to provide me with clothes, you might at least have made them a bit more fashionable. How you expected me to wear those rags...

[ Having said his piece, he reaches for the Gear, presumably to turn it off, when a long green snout comes abruptly into view, sniffing inquisitively. His Snivy's curious about the lighty box, it seems. ]

Ah, yes - and if someone could elucidate me as to what exactly these... creatures are, it would be most appreciated. At least this one seems to have good sense, for the most part - stop smelling that!

[ The Snivy straightens up, trying to look dignified. This is the sort of Snivy who would never think of sticking his face all over a PokéGear. What would make you think that? ]

[ The man, for his part, turns back to the camera. ] If you can provide me with some answers as to what's going on in this place, I will see to it that you are handsomely rewarded. The sooner, the better.

[ And the feed shuts off. ]

-----

[ Any Rockets hanging around the base, feel free to bug Valmont if you run into him in the hallway! You'll recognize him. He's the one in very non-regulation green and a foul mood. ]

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Yeah, but mine's adorable.

[As far as she was concerned, everything about her was adorable. Blood-rushing-to-head complexion and all.]

We know some stuff! Liiike horses are on fire and every city has a place with a force of blue-haired police and pink-haired nurses. Oh, and Halloween's coming up! We know that.

But actual important stuff? Yeah, wires got crossed on that communication. Sor-ry!

[ ...Valmont can't really argue with that. Mainly because to argue with that would mean claiming to be adorable himself. And that's not going to happen. Probably. ]

Well, you look ridiculous like that. And what is that in your hair? Is that candy? [ Valmont has very little respect for anyone who doesn't take proper care of their hair. ]

That's really the best information you have for me? Unusual animals and people with odd hair colors? [ Valmont you have exactly zero room to talk about odd hair colors. ] At least the first half of that I had figured out for myself. Though I must say a flaming horse would have been preferable to... this. [ He turns the camera on a Stunky, who blinks up at it. New friend? Two friends in one day? Exciting! ]

Uh, doi, of course it's candy. Girl's gotta be genuine!

[Even if not using clips was driving Ralph up the wall.]

We-ell... I do have some information aside from that, but... [She inspects the Stunky, trying to look thoughtful, if a little unimpressed. This was so much easier to do sitting rightside up...] I dunno... If you're not going to be nice to that one, I don't know if you really deserve it.

That's disgusting. [ Candy in her hair. He needs a shower just thinking about it. Eurgh. ]

Be nice to it? You did notice that it was a skunk, didn't you? I have never been this close to a skunk in my life, and I certainly don't intend to get any closer! [ He indicates the Snivy next to him. ] At least this one isn't stinking up the place!

[Why's everybody gotta have a beef with her hair...]

Yeah, uh-huh, I have eyes. Man, what a big baby... Okay, you know anything 'bout skunks? It doesn't take a genius to figure out if you make one unhappy, it's gonna make sure it stinks you up more.

...Which is good in your case, 'cause you look like you'd be outta luck.

What did you just call me?! [ Valmont. Valmont please don't get into a pissing contest with a nine-year-old. You will lose. ]

[ Fortunately, for Valmont at least, the Stunky doesn't seem the least bit unhappy with him. Her buttlike face might even be smiling. Of course this man isn't insulting her! He's her trainer! She loves him!

Of course, unwanted affection can be just as disturbing as the opposite. ]

Why is it looking at me like that? [ He takes a wary step backward as the Stunky advances. The Snivy hisses protectively. Back off, smelly! ]

[...Well how the hell is she supposed to know why the skunk does what it does? Whatever, just roll with it.]

Gee, I dunno, maybe it wants you to name it and give it treats? It's your pet, dude! Suck it up, 'cause chances are no one you know is around here and these two are your fancypants bodyguards.

...Bodyguards? [ He eyes both his Pokémon, who are still staring each other down, doubtfully. ] They certainly don't seem particularly well-equipped to defend anyone. Although the stench might keep away potential assailants, I suppose. What are they supposed to be guarding me from?

[ He doesn't comment on the pets part, as that's ridiculous. Pets are for the servants to take care of. ]

The wild versions of them. People who wanna kick your butt for money. You know, the usual.

[Her camera is flipped and she shows a giant bat digging into a mysterious pile ~~that totally isn't just spaghetti, nah~~. When Vanellope whistles, Boogie looks up, mouth dripping with red ~~sauce~~.]

Hey, Boogs, be scary a moment, okay?

[Asking no questions, the Crobat's ears pin back and her fangs are bared before she lets out a loud, horrendous screech. And then ruins it all by looking for approval, which she gets in the form of a happy sigh and a "cuuute". If nothing else, her demonstration will earn her another reprimand by hotel staff.]

They can take care of things when they want to! If you're good enough at raising 'em, anyway.

So I'm to participate in some sort of bizarre cockfighting... because people want my money. [ Ah. This, he sort of understands. Jealousy of his immense wealth and power is something he's dealt with not-infrequently in the past. Of course, back then his bodyguards were usually human... and he actually had immense wealth and power to speak of. ]

[ Valmont covers his ears with a wince at Boogie's demonstration. ] Yes, very... impressive. I suppose yours would be effective at annoying away opponents, anyway. How is one expected to raise them? [ Does this involve petting and giving treats, because he is incredibly not here for that. ]

She can do way more than that! Boogie can cut 'em with her wings and poison 'em and everything! One day, she's even gonna be able to carry me from city to city.

[Finally starting to feel a dizzying effect from her position, Vanellope flips upright, taking a moment to get comfy.]

You have 'em fight things, help them get stronger. Boogs is kinda a special case, since she got this way because she was super happy, I guess. I dunno if either of yours are like that, buuuuut I wouldn't risk it.

Hmm. Poisoning does sound useful. [ It's a technique he's used before, but having a six-foot bat do it seems a tad inconspicuous for his purposes. ] Are either of these two capable of doing that? Or... anything more than sniping at each other?

[ The Snivy looks affronted. He's not sniping, he's trying to protect you from that smelly thing! The Stunky carries on smiling, as well as a butt can smile. She's not sniping either. Everyone's having a good time! ]

So I'm to have them fight other creatures... and try to make them happy too, just in case? A bit of a tall order, isn't it? [ He regards his Pokémon skeptically. ] What did you do to make yours, ah, "super happy"?

I dunno! Never seen either of those two things. You gotta figure that out for yourself.

[Vanellope raises an eyebrow.]

What, you don't know how to make friends, or something?

[ No. He really doesn't. ]

Making friends has never been much of a priority in my line of work. [ Allies, yes, when necessary, but when he needs to get people to cooperate with him it's generally through bribes or... other manners of persuasion. He doesn't think these new pets of his would respond well to those, somehow. ]

[She shrugs, switching from looking unimpressed to more amicable.]

It's okay. I'm not good at making friends, either.

[May as well attempt at not being a brat for two seconds since he's a fellow "bad guy"... And an awkward one at that.]

It's not so hard to do both of those, anyway. A lot of pokemon seem to like fighting. But for Booger Bat, she really liked candy, so I gave her that and encouraged her a bunch. You let 'em know they can do anything and eventually they can! Doesn't hurt to snuggle them every once in a while, either.

[ Huh. He wasn't expecting the girl to actually commiserate with him. ] I find that hard to believe. It certainly seems as though you've made friends with that bat of yours. [ Was that a compliment somewhere in there, Valmont? Nah. Can't be. ]

Fighting I can handle. However, if you expect me to start... snuggling anything, I'm afraid you'll be rather disappointed. [ The guy barely ever even hugged his parents. He is not a snuggler.

The Stunky, in a helpful attempt to change this, wanders over and begins rubbing against his leg. ] I - quit that, you! [ He nudges her harshly out of the way. The Snivy snickers. ]

Yeah, 'cause Boogs is awesome. [She shrugs.] I got some friends, a'course, but most of 'em are pokemon.

[One day she'd work up the courage to consider a few others she talked with as her friends, but with all the times back home she'd been rejected... Ralph was more than enough of a friend for her anyway.]

Hey, hey, hey! None of that! [Vanellope's sigh is clearly exasperated.] Hugs and cuddles are a far way off, but you could at least let your pokemon be nice to you. Seriously, man?

[ Valmont isn't sure whether having only Pokémon friends is more or less sad than having no friends at all. Then he decides that as someone who actually does have no friends at all, he's not exactly one to talk. So he moves on to the next point, which is more pressing anyway. ]

But it's a skunk! [ Valmont protests. ] And I don't like the way it looks at me!

[ The Stunky tilts her head. What's there to be upset about? Her trainer is her friend, right? Everyone is her friend! ]

...You don't like the way it looks at you?

[what...]

Yes! You're seeing this, aren't you? [ He trains the camera on the Stunky. There is nothing but love and affection in her eyes. ] I don't know what you'd call that look, but I'm staying far away from it!

[ w h a t ]

I call it "hello friend I have arrived", personally.

[Adults are usually stupid but this adult has some serious issues.]

Your last name isn't, like, Muttonfudge or anything, is it?

[ Can you blame the guy for not recognizing it? Things don't usually love him. Or at least, almost nothing ever has.

Yeah. Issues is one way to put it. ]

Muttonfudge? It certainly is not! Whatever would make you think I'd have such a ridiculous last name? [ He scoffs. ] What is "muttonfudge" supposed to be, anyway? It sounds absolutely disgusting!

Don't look at me, I didn't name her! But come on, even you gotta admit that the 'fudge' part sounds pretty good, eh?

[Or are you one of those sugar-hating heathens?]

You just remind me of a girl back home that I don't think would recognize niceness if it walked up and slapped her in the face. Then again, I guess that'd be a weird thing for niceness to do?

[...Anyway.]

You kinda look like her, too, it's super weird.

Well, yes, of course the fudge part is fine. [ He's not a monster. ] I was referring to the combination with mutton. I can't imagine anyone would much like to eat mutton-flavored fudge... or fudge-flavored mutton, come to that. Do you really know someone with that last name? The poor girl. [ Valmont doesn't usually feel sympathy for others, but even he has to admit that it can't be pleasant being saddled with a name like that. ]

[ Then the jab registers. ] Well, young lady, in the real world, one can't always afford to be nice to people. Or... skunks. [ Which is his way of saying that he doesn't really know how. ] Are you telling me that it's expressing... friendship?

[ What did he do to deserve this. ]

...I could go for some fudge-flavored mutton. [It's fudge-flavored, come on.] Anyway, she's fine. Not like anyone picks on her for it or nothing, it's pretty par for the course, back home.

[It was nothing like being a glitch, anyway.]

Blah blah, real world, blah. Pretty sure it is, yeah. Booger Bat was kinda like that.

01 $$ [video/action for Rocket base]

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